I know now you wonder how many times i would reviving this blog right? :(
I know its been on and off for me to do my blogging things. Since i dont think that i have very interesting thing to write, yet when i have interesting things happen i forget to write it! *smackhead*
I actually starting my blogging so i can have dedication of something routine, like blogging. But maybe my ADD personality is winning!! Haha.
So today i have some spare time in my office. :)
Was talking alot with soumeone in 3rd floor in my office, He is actually my senior but our work isnt really related so i dont get to talk with him alot. But yesterday, I had chance to know him better. And it happens he is sort of knowing lots abt meditation since he is learning karate for eight years, and I just try to gain some info abt meditation. Since, err idk when it starts but lately i got massive headache and have some gastric acid prob with my stomach.
So I was so interested when he start to notice abt this kind of meditation, zen and stuff. But in my opinion his way of meditating is more like the "joy of living" thing. We also talking abt lots of another things like philosophy. And i was surprised its like what he talking abt is tickly my old self. Remind me abt how i was young, my vision and my mindset when i was young. And ho i was alwayg hunger abt knowledge and how i like abt those philosophy thing.
We talked abt Sun Tzu, and how it can be applied among the corporation, as healthy war. And also talking abt The Three Kingdom a bit and more of that, MAHABHARATA!! It's actually kind of rare to have people who interested in those kind of thing. When we talk its actually 7 of us, But its only me and Mr Heru who actually understand and read and maybe know abt those things he talkin abt. So the conversation is kind of hot with me who is actually very excited haha. So we talk abt art, philosophy and culture.
And it made me think, omg where have i been all this time? Why i keep think that im a stupid light headed and never think deeper anymore? And i admit in this past two years Im actually not very bright for reading situation or people, and not act quickly. Now i know the answer!
When i was changed to be more feminine, I somehow left my knowlege craving, intuition to learn more, somewhere i dont know where. And talking with Mr Heru is sort of making those old me rising!!
And maybe for side effect, i got a massive headache before i went home and my gastric acid react (as usual if i was stressed or get under pressure). And i was very depressed last night that i dont want to go anywhere! But my sister keep nagging and ask me to go shopping with her. I was sooo depressed that i even cry for no reason and i dont know why. But today maybe i can answer that. Maybe there is side of me that regreting so many things and i feel that im wasting years of my life and i hardly improove to be a better human. In fact i always think that i become worst. But it isnt true. People Improove. Better or worse its all in balance. I think it was better in the past because i was so carefree and i dont have any responbility. Ok i did have responbility, but not as big as now. So maybe those things makes me worry to much. What gonna happen to me in future, what i gonna be? Will i be a better human, will i not? Can i make my mom happy? Will i find someone? And lots more things happen in my unconcious brain. And maybe somehow my head cant take thos overload thought at once.
Human is such an unique creature. Some emotional problem can even make u feel real sick and make you weak. And happiness can make you feel overwhelmed. But nothing last forever. The happiness and the sadness only there for a momment. Thats what someone told to me to not depend on anything. Because everything never last forever. Its actually a long nice conversation. Maybe i will try to talk abt it sometimes. When talking to him, its like he is sharing a little bit the secret of life with me. And his philosophy can actually makes us wiser if we can imparting to our life. :)
Im very grateful that in this past years i get to know awesome people who i can actually talk to and they really try to help me and not comforting me, but make me think deeper abt meaning in life. And i still remember this one person who i always contact when i m panic or just for rambilng, and he only say one thing "its okay, its all gonna be alright" I think its maybe he is understand abt we living in "the momment" and nothing last forever. Sadness will pass and not last forever, so does happiness.
So now Im in my journey with controlling my emotion and not to be attached abt things i like or dont like. So i can control it more and see it with another perspective. So anything anyone say will not hurt me or make me too happy :) because yes, we actually just living at the momment. Which is hard for a very impulsive emotional girl like me. Haha Plus i get distracted alot. Focus, focus till i reach the zen. *smacked*
Okay this is a very long ramble which isnt really interesting for a reviving a blog! Hahaha. See, i still got my impulsive thingy!!
I promise my next post should be more fun!!! *crossing fingersss!!*
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