Revealing Transformation. Part 02.

Did you remember about the continuing transformation? Here it goes haha. 

So I was struggling with obesity for years and years. I tried to slim down but it was like doin yo-yo. Up down. Up down. So frustrating. Until one day I meet again with Roma after few weeks never meet her. (Few weeks as in like two and half months. Ahahha.) We both are same la. Same big. Haha. 

Then suddenly she said she lost 18 kilos!!!! I was like OMG!!! 

Here lemme give her "progress" pic down here. 

Yes it is awesome indeed!!! 

After that my journey begin!!! I was around 75-77 kgs when I'm starting. 

I do the diet and cycling at first. And losing 2-3 kgs per week at the first attempt. 

I was so excited. Then I continue doing it. 

I still bailing up and down becos I'm actually very glutton. Haha. Cannot help it. 

But after awhile I feel I must put effort into this. Once and for all. Changing my lifestyle. So I did. 

And in four month I've lost 12 kilos!! 

65-66kg right now. And it's not done yet!! My target is to be 60 kg in Dec and 55 in Feb 2014. 

I'm gonna update abt it again in Dec and Feb. So I can keep track whether its success or not haha. 

Wish me luck okeee!?

Windows Live Essential 2011

I’m trying to write this post with windows live Essential. 2011. yes 2011 edition. Haha!
I should be fun, or it COULD be fun, I guess. LOL
And here goes the rambling, as usual. wink
So yeah what’s with today? My friend say that he read my blog and he kinda like it. Because i write slice of my life. Of course la. It’s a personal blog so you cannot expect you got some kind of fabulous tutorial or new psych formula, riiight? hehehe.
Today is SOOOO HOT and make me feel so sick and unwell. When I tell it on my status, one of them reply with “don bluff. u just wanna cheat from ur diet again” And i was like “OMG MAYBE YOU RIGHT” I shouldnt give upppp!!!
I really wanna lose some kilos before October. Why with Oct? Why must Oct? BECAUSEEE It will be my BIRTHDAYY YAYYY. And I think it will be the best birthday present EVER. From ME to MYSELF. I never been any thin or feel very light before!! So yesssss I really want it. Pray for me to stay away from KFC, Burgers, and or any processed food!! More vegs, More fish and chicken brest without skin, More low calories fruit, and you will be there, Mash! Definitely!  Omg this face windows essential make everytime i type : and D is so fricckin annoying, like it laugh straight at me see what i mean?

Initially I didnt wanna write abt these things. But lets post this and see if its good enough to be my future blog tools. CROSSING FINGERS. There is alot of stuff I wanna write hereee!! But the break down mood, the weather, no time, always been my fav excuses! hahaha! See you soon on another post ;p

Inconsistency

Inconsistent. 

People don't like other people to be inconsistent but I think I've been inconsistent and treat this blog unfair. I already tell her to at least write on her everyday, or I will add some foodies stuff. But it seems none of it become any realization. Of course that followed with so many excuse (i.e; I'm tired, its late, ah I will do it tomorrow) and procrastination. Ahaha. 

I was think about it and I think it's getting worse. I delay do stuff that I think doesn't have deadline, like doing errands, or re arrange my room. Yeah now my room is a freakin mess cos of this procrastinating stuff, and DISTRACTION is actually my number one enemy. I feel i have this undiagnosed ADHD when i was kid. I'm so easily distracted. Like, if you talkin to me, you will realize i keep jumping back and forth to random topics. Some people say I'm interesting and not boring but some say "stick to this topic we talking about, will you?" LOL 

Bad, bad, bad. I know. Then again my friend will say "you being too hard on yourself" butbutbutbutttttt, I dont think I am. IN FACT, I think I PAMPER MYSELF SO MUCH with LACK of discipline (esp with my diet im soooooooo gluttttton), with my decision (I wanna do this but I can do that too, so i do this and that half each). I use to be a person with big determination and big will (yeah of course its also come with big ego). Now when someone having less ego, everything is flat and wavy. haha. Everything is so frickin flexible. 

Nothin to chase on, and also nothing to cherish on. Bad bad. 

As I realize it comes with my diet. I want to do this but my mind keep telling it there will still be TOMORROW. what is tomorrow? It's the day AFTER today!!! aaaaaaaaand, today is EVERYDAYYYY! Do you see how it become the devil circle? ahahha. Oh man, I'm 28 but still feel like a loser. Everytime I meet new people online and they say how they enjoying their life, and they're very passionate about what their work. Somehow some part of me dies everytime I hear that. How I waste my time. aot doin something I dont like. WAIT, why is this post become so emoooo? *slapself*  

Get up stand up and sit up! Eh I mean get up! and no no no no emo allowed! come one, where is that cheerful bubbly character that you used to have, mash? And you was and optimistic and not cynic girl. When did you become this gloomy grey colored sceptic and cynic girl? 

You can change yes you can! 

FOCUS and less distraction!

And as I write this post there is someone that suddenly msg me and sayin they know me from this blog! Waoo thats awesome. Becos this blog is practically almost like a tomb and I come and go writing it here. So Okay I decide, I will write post twice a week, and less boring which maybe will be filled with eithrd food pics or MY PICS MWAHAHHA. *slapped* 

PS: See how much this post describing how ADHD I am ahhaha. So frickin RANDOMMM. 

Revealing Transformation. Part01

Make up! 
Do you know make up (Cosmetic) is practically woman best friend (enemy sometimes if you have sensitive skin)? Most of woman having this complicated hate and love relationship with make up. Because to applying make up you must wake up earlier or get ready earlier (before the boys). Not to mention, for applying make up and get the result we (woman) want, we must maintain our face skin. Which more skin care, drink lots of water, and do fiber diet so the face contour will be perfect for being a blank canvas ready to paint with the make ups. 
Beauty isn't come for instance u know. Only very lucky girls that born pretty. Most of us born average looking. This where make up take part. 
oh of course, never under estimating a HARD WILL of someone. haha. 

For applying make up and finding your own make up style, you need to be persistent. I repeat, STUBBORN.  You cannot expect to be succeed in your first make up apply attempt. You must try and try again. Learn about your face structure and contour. Because everyone is special. Everyone is different. Even when people said smoky eyes is definitely good applied to anyone, i found it doesn't look any good on me. Seriously. 
It depends on what style you like most. You like when you look cool, abit masculine touch, or natural, or elegant beauty maybe. I like my make up to be cute. Just like Japanese idol (who confuse most people about how old are they actual age is) and of course it doesnt come in one trying attempt, girl. I remember when I was newbie with this make up thing, I only have ONE liquid eyeliner. I don't have any other things like lipgloss or even a lose powder!! 
I try to apply and practising my eyeliner skill non stop. I mean seriously apply-wipe -apply -wipe, and at that time I dont even have any make up remover! So I wipe it with baby oil (which resulting very bad cos the baby oil isnt helping much) and I also try minyak kayu putih. (That time i thought I'm gonna be blind. hurts like hell. hahaha) 
But I'm glad i never stop. Never give up. 

Maybe some of you wondering how far make up can change someone face features. Some of you might already seen some transformation on youtube videos. 

Now I'm inseparable with my make-up. It doesn't mean I do my make up everyday. I usually not wearing make up when I go to work. Safer that way. 
But I use my make-up as therapy when I feel down or losing my self confidence! When I feel gloomy and I feel alive again!! 

I write this post just to encourage all girls who think you are ugly (include myself hahaha) to have a faith in yourself. You can change. If you want. (That's backfiring me with my body fat mass) 
I myself need to improve my weight. I promise I'm so gonna write things about my transformation when I lose some kgs!! :D 

Oh, if you notice I put "Part 01" On the tittle. Yes it does mean it will be more to come about this silly girl transformation. 


This is the latest pic i taken while doin my makeup. So every girls out there, everyone can change. Just the matter about you willing enough to do it or not. Keep positive and everything possible!!!! 

The Make-Up Transformation 

I hope you enjoying this time post! TBC to Part2 Someday!! 

See you again soon!! Cheeers! 

Whine

Do you ever feel so depressed ins one content it makes you wanna die? 
I did. Lots of time. You feel it right? You know how it feels, when you cannot solve this freaking problem being repeated by years. 
You can break up with your lover, divorce with your spouse, part with your friends. But this blood related thingy is long lasting stuff right?

Mom was being nicer in past month becos my sis isn't here. She was staying in AUS in few months and mom maybe lonely and become so nice to me. (FYI what i mean nice is occasionally feed me food, not yelling at me, not talking bad in purpose to hurt my feeling). 
But now, It's seems like my world is upside down. Honesty, every time she did it it makes me feel so helplessly depressed, like you have this disease you cannot be cured. 
I already go out and live alone by myself, yet my mom asking what I get from living alone? (she means in material stuff). Which living alone it self already very hard. I might be not so lucky abt those business leading opportunities  But God been good that i still survive up till now. 
She never ever ever care about what I'm feeling. Not even once. 
Everything must be happen according to her will. 
She always talk about church and Jesus etc to me, like today. But when I go to church and i do some mistakes she said I'm a hypocrites. Which I still TRYING my best to fixing my freaking life here, man. 
So i gave up lots lots of time. Like today she was like shouting and yelling and saying that I'm good for nothing. Good for nothing. Can't even bring guy (she mean bf who will leads to marriage) home. Cannot buy any houses, any cars. 
All successful in life for her is only about materials, wealthiness, RICH, GLAMOROUS. Nothing eleses. 
At least we are still healthy right? Can you count that as a blessing too? 
I regretting so bad that I almost get brainwashed that I wanna chase all those things for all cost. In order to make her happy. In mid way I realize that's not my happiness at. 

I just want a NORMAL CALM LIFE. Not demanding life. I don't need to show off to ppl about what I have. I used to be having my very own small world which make me happy, in this case is drawing.

I've lost my passion in drawings becos my mom doesn't like it so i kill my passion. To think about it its THE ONLY passion i ever had. I learn alot because of that. I learn drawing technique, I learn English and Japanese, by myself. With alot help from friends and ppl i meet. 

I was a very bad tempered person when I was younger. I had no idea why one of my friend said that I'm a very cool person that maybe it will take lots of effort to make me angry. Not really. I used to be a person who hate this world so badly. I hate myself. I don't wanna live. Actually I get better when i live with my best friend and her mom. 
I learn alot alot of things from them. I learn how it is to be a girl, a woman, a female, a human being . Which that kind of education I never get from my mom or family. Which is ironic. 
But I'm still grateful. 

My mom ever said why i never act like a girl before, and why am I so ugly. 
The answer wont be finished in one sentence. I cannot attack her and saying "yeah it's all becos of you".
I think that was the path i choose. 
Yeah I must knock my sense now. That I should have a grip of myself. I tired crying.
I must consciously think that EVERY THING happen to me is MY DECISIONS. I choose and taking control of it. Do not blame any situation do not blame whoever in your environment. 
You can be happy. You must try to be happy. Don't let this stuff to bring you down. You can do better. 
It's okay if you choosin not to go to church but you must aware that you had that decision by yourself. Not because you're in emo state and don't wanna your mom take all blame on you when she know you're going to church. 

Now think about it. Do you believe in God? Ask your heart, Sherly. You will get the answer there. 
Do you miss to communicate with God? Yes you do. You feel helpless and empty and emo all the time becos of that. And you keep doing shit that you shouldnt be doin, you know that? 

If writing can make you feel better, do it. It's good since your blog having no one to read on it haha. Don't be loser, Sherly. You will regret it so bad when you're old. It's okay to grow up with your pace. It's okay if you feel a bit insecure about yourself. But you're a better person than this. This is what loser do to be whining about their mom. Everyone have hard time with many things. In your case it's your mom. 
By writing it makes you think more. which good. You talk with ppl online too much, in some content you're wasting lots of your time while you can do alot things by doin other things. 

Have a life, living it! Dont whine. Strive more. Work hard. Set your goal. Be determined, be passionatte, have a sense of belongings. Thats what all you need to do. 
Talking or writing is way much easire. But you can do this. FOCUS. 
Don't distracted too much. 
Do what you think right, and yelling back to your mom isn't the right things to do.Yet you're too proud to say sorry now. Think more, then apologize. APOLOGIZE. Whatever it is she is still your mom and you making her sad. You cant be your sis who is pretty and smart. But dont ruin your child alike heart. Don't be stupid. Think more. Another time, when she get angry to you, DO NOT TALK BACK. You're not allowed to talk back. You get it and you can do it. You've done it before and you can do it again NOW.